Building Emotional Sobriety One Blog Post At A Time
September 13. It’s always amazing what a little change of scenery will do for the soul, and family. Because we all had the covid virus starting in late August, there hadn’t been a time where I was both out of my house and alone.
I love my home. It is like a little sanctuary on a hill, surrounded by some of the biggest trees you can imagine, and simple landscaping that is pleasing to the eye.
The inside is cozy, mostly not cluttered and relatively clean but warm. Lived in.
It’s like walking into an old friends’ house with predictable sights and smells triggering happy memories and hunger all at the same time. The lighting is always soft, natural like the way the sun falls on the earth at dusk.
Each area of our home feels this way with earth tones on the walls and décor, soft lines and simple artwork.
If you prefer a modern or eclectic style you likely would turn your nose up at the mismatched antiques and brown wicker bar stools, but the light...
September 8th. Yesterday I stood in the driveway and waved to my girls as they drove off together in their own car to their first day of school.
This will be the last first day of school for my oldest and the second to last one for my second daughter. I was flooded with emotions of joy and pride just watching these two humans who have grown so much, changed so much over the last few years create another layer of independence.
It is striking to me at times when I look at them, thinking about the passing of time. The Facebook memories remind me of first days of school from many years past and is evidence of just how tiny and precious they were.
We have done it. We have raised these kids into almost adults.
People who have the same privileges and rights in our country that we do. Women who will build careers, friendships and families of their own someday.
My eyes welled up as they drove off not from sadness. And not really from happiness either just because of the change. The passage...
September 6. I’m still searing a little from the sting of yesterdays realization but trying to let it go. The competition after all is only with myself, but my standards are still high. And clearly the mental toughness to handle this challenge is for real.
Lucky for me I have my DH to help me get back on track with the right amount of honesty and support.
He has helped me to see the progress I have made thus far and has even offered to do the challenge with me.
The old saying really is true, nothing worth doing is easy. Never believed that more in my life.
Reminds me of when I was a young mom trying to do all the things for all the people. I loved those little guys, man were they cute and so sweet. But after I had my son the overwhelm became quite real.
I was sober, had been for a few years now but I really needed help and had too much pride or not enough courage to ask. I didn’t even really know what I needed but I knew it was something.
I can look back now and see the...
September 5. Covid has been kicking my butt in a variety of ways, however I am grateful that is has been mostly manageable. I have a lingering cough and some fatigue, but I believe I am on the upswing. What isn’t on the upswing….my 75 Hard Challenge.
Last night I had a bit of a setback with a fever and fatigue. I muddled my way through some yoga and went to bed at 7:30. Without taking my progress picture.
I have worked so hard to stick with this program through covid, what a disappointment.
I won’t lie and say my thoughts were all pull up my bootstraps and carry on. Nope. My first thought was this is so stupid I’m never going to complete this thing. Just forget it.
I am definitely questioning whether or not to continue this thing.
It reminds me of the women I know who have struggled to get sober. They put together a few days or weeks and then life happens and they pick up again.
Or maybe they’ve been working a program and...
September 1. The turn of the month always astounds me because usually I can remember the first day of the last month like it was yesterday. And these days the pages are flying it seems.
September conjures up so many thoughts and memories. The coming of fall and changing leaves, the smell of pumpkin spice and a new school year. Feels like a major transition, because it is. And here we are.
I am starting day 11 for the third time in the #75HardChallenge. I haven’t been counting closely this time, just doing the daily tasks and entering them in the app because I don’t want to be constantly reminded that I started this journey on July 13, that was 49 days ago.
Sends a dagger right to the heart. But for the grace of God go I as I carry on. And frankly its not a bad thing to be this healthy!
My strength is taking a bit of a hit due to being sick but I am continuing to walk twice a day. That’s about what I can muster although this afternoon the hurricane is rolling in so...
August 31. If there is one thing I have learned over the past couple years (probably more if you count parenting) is there is so much we just don’t know.
And not only that but honestly, to have any peace in life it is imperative that we snuggle up with our blanket and get super comfortable next to the not knowing.
Wrapped in understanding that most things are truly out of our control. This doesn’t mean we are devoid of choices even in the most impossible of situations or when we believe there is no choice, think again there always is.
Every time this line of thinking comes up for me, I immediately go to the story of Paul, sitting in that dark, dirty prison all alone. Where literally beheading was his seeming fate. Yet he said “rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.” Thess 5:16-18.
He wasn’t even touting the gratitude we use to change our attitudes like being thankful...
August 30. Shocking how life can change in an instant right. I mean nothing super earth shattering but I have the Virus.
My daughters and I all tested positive for Covid and are quarantined in our spaces to protect my son and husband. As of now the girls have bad cold symptoms and headaches, no fever. And I have what seem to be quite mild cold symptoms.
Which we are all very very grateful for.
So very odd how a sickness can affect people so differently. Right now we are doing all the things we can to take care of our bodies and just praying it stays mild and moves through quickly.
The quarantine is hard though. I would imagine many of you have been in this situation for one reason on another. And sadly the girls are due to start school on Wednesday. They will be missing the first two days of school which pardon my language, really sucks.
I choose to view this as another way to build the resilience muscle.
Looking for the silver linings like the girls only have to miss two days of...
August 25. Humility is an interesting word. Quite literally it means, “ a modest or low view of one's own importance; humbleness.” And I believe very much in the importance of this concept particularly for people who struggle with substance abuse and then get clean and sober.
The nature and underlying affliction of addiction truly is self-centeredness.
However, as I was taught early on, self-centeredness isn’t what I think of myself, but rather how often I think of myself. And in my active addiction I was thinking about myself ALL THE TIME!
I had zero self-esteem, didn’t think anything positive about myself, literally wanted to die all the time, but that was a lot of thoughts about myself.
In this place, we are asked to let go of that self-centeredness and ego and begin to focus more on gratitude and service. I don’t believe we are called to think less of ourselves or that we aren’t important, no. That’s not what this...
I’m Shelby and I am an alcoholic. I said that for the first time on July 1, 2002 and one day at a time, I haven’t found it necessary to use a mood altering substance since.
I was an alcoholic of the depressive type so the despair and desperation I felt prior to that date was so powerful and took me to the darkest places a person can go.
I hope I never forget that feeling. That’s why it’s so important for me to hear the stories of alcoholics frequently. And one of the reasons I LOVE working with sober women!
As a young girl I never felt comfortable in my own skin. You know what I mean right? I was raised in a loving family, played sports, went to camp, had the right boyfriend, given all the things. You know I checked all the boxes on the checklist!
As I grew up, I never felt good enough, smart enough or pretty enough for whatever group I was involved in leaving me in a constant state of disconnection. And then I found alcohol.
August 24th. It happened again. On Saturday I was out to breakfast with my husband after our lovely j-alk together. I ordered the shrimp salad because I don’t like breakfast food that much plus white flour is off limits in my program so the options are different.
It came with potato chips and this cute little plastic container of what appeared to be onion dip. Clever.
I enjoyed the salad and was munching on some chips with the dip and when I got halfway through I realized I was eating onion dip. And what is onion dip made with, sour cream. And what nutritional category does sour cream fit into? You guessed it dairy. And dairy is one of the three hard no’s on my program.
DH looked at me and asked if that meant I had to start over and I was like “No”.
I sat there justifying myself saying well I stopped once I realized, it was only a little bit, it was an accident. Have I not learned anything over the past thirty nine days? There are no exceptions on this...