August 13. Have you ever been so struck by something that you realize you are the fool? You are the one that has been accepting things in your life over and over and over again expecting different results.
That insidious nature of insanity that seeps into all the cracks in the most vulnerable moments of life. Infiltrating all the parts, leaving damage that often isn’t seen for many moons to come, sometimes never.
As a huge believer in the truth that we get what we allow, this is a hard pill to swallow when it comes up in my life. Its like being punched in the gut even after putting on all your protective gear.
Doubled over retching on the ground with the knowledge that this is ultimately my fault. #dramaticmuch
This is one of the reasons why relationships with other humans are probably the hardest things we will ever do in this life. They require more effort, more care, more tenderness and compassion than anything else we will engage in during our years on earth.
The spouse that needs your support even in things they might not agree with, the friend who loves to dominate the conversation without asking much about your life, the boss who passively asks you to stay late or work on weekends because business is booming.
Yet the responses we offer in any relational situation say much about us and the toxicity level of the connection. Of course there are times when things are one sided.
If you have a friend with a chronically ill child you might be sitting with them to listen A LOT more than they are asking you about your life. Or if your partner just lost their job the level of emotional support you are going to offer during that time will be much higher than anything you will get.
And then the tides turn.
So how do we prevent the resentment from building short of just cutting people out of our lives. Very often these are people we want to be in relationship with, family, friends, spouses, children. They aren’t people we want to throw off the boat (at least not permanently).
We must take a careful look at ourselves. Our responses to things, what we allow.
Asking important questions of yourself like, what about this situation, this comment, this decision is bothering me? What are the feelings that come to the surface? Where can you feel it in your body?
I talk about this in the Understand Negative Thought Challenge (you can find it in the Guides section of the Confident Sober Women Facebook Group), and begin to make the connection with what your patterns are and why they occur.
Sometimes I really hate that I am the only one responsible for me. I can’t tell you how many times I have found myself crying out for someone to swoop in and solve my problems, take the pain away, change someone.
But the reality is, I am the only one that can change myself, that can adjust my responses in life. No one is coming to help me, its just me and my God.
Why is this both comforting and annoying at the same time?
My plan today, check in regularly with my thoughts and feelings as soon as I am in a situation where I get activated. Ask myself those important questions and remember that not everything that comes my way needs a response.